Thursday, June 11, 2009

Gain size today!

There’s an alternate dimension. One where everything is determined by your gamerscore. Have a low gamerscore and you can forget about that car, that job, and that brunette at the end of the bar. Have a monster gamerscore and the world is yours.

I know this dimension exists because I’ve found an artifact from it: The Easy 360 Achievement Guide written by someone called Ski. If you’re willing to spend $39.95, this guide will enlarge your gamerscore.

Judging from the ad copy, this guide tells you which games to play – so you won’t waste time playing games with a low rate of return. You’ll save time and money, playing only the games which engorge your gamerscore.

“It was taking me three days to get through Burnout Revenge and by the end I'd only unlocked 4 of its 36 achievements. My gamerscore was creeping up while my friend played all day and widened the gap.”

Yeah, why would you want to slog through good games, when you can fly through crappy ones? Why bother playing any game which doesn’t endow your meaty, throbbing online presence?